Top four do’s and don’ts to have a happy Thanksgiving

Travis Danner
Opinions/Managing Editor
This Thanksgiving, many people will be sitting around dinner tables reveling in the company of their families — smiling, laughing and absolutely gorging themselves silly on turkey, gravy and adult beverages.
Those who don’t consume with caution run the risk of acquiring a condition known as the dreaded “food coma,” more commonly referred to as the “itis.”
To reduce the risk of finding one’s self passed out in a ditch, turkey leg in one-hand, tall can of Schlitz malt liquor in the other — here are four easy-to-remember “do’s” and “don’ts” to have a safe, happy and upright Thanksgiving.
Talk to your family. Share the highs and lows of your year since the last time you congregated as a family. Be candid, open and honest. Let your family know how much they mean to you.
Jam so much turkey into your face that you can’t form a coherent sentence. Chew your food, please. That stuff is nasty.
Remember that gravy is very unhealthy for you. If you can’t find a healthy alternative, substitute cranberry sauce.
Challenge your family to a gravy chugging contest. In addition to the possibility of inducing an instant artery blockage, you really don’t stand a chance against your drunk uncle Ron.
Play football in the street with your family and the neighbors. It will help you burn the rapid calorie intake of the day.
Drink a 12-pack of beer by yourself and pass out while watching football.
Remember that leftovers are one of the best parts of the holiday. There’s no shame in leaving some food on your plate. Just box it up.
Force feed yourself those last bits of stuffing and grandma’s yams. Remember to conserve your strength for Black Friday. The United States’ economy is counting on you.


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